The Dark Side

Is This Love?

2009-10-25T18:49:24Z

The sermon at church tonight was all about stepping out beyond fear and being willing to make ourselves vulnerable. It was about being unafraid to love, knowing that God is in control, even though that doesn't mean that things will always work out well. It resonated so powerfully with me. I've been turning it over in my head for an hour, trying to work out what it means for me and for my relationships.

It made me feel, maybe for the first time, that I didn't make some huge mistake with Hein. Yes, I got my heart shattered. But that doesn't mean I screwed up. I took a risk and in the end I got hurt. But that doesn't mean I did something fundamentally wrong. I've been living in terror of making the same mistakes again, to the extent that dating has become an enormous cause of anxiety for me, but what struck me tonight was that even though I may have made mistakes, loving is not a mistake. Things didn't work out; it happens. And it's not because I failed. I feel so much freer since that realisation. I feel like, after all this time, I may actually be taking a step towards healing.

It also made me decide to message Nick and tell him how I feel. This is a huge step for me. Putting myself out there like that is scary beyond belief, but it's something I've wanted to do for months, and I realised tonight that my reasons for not wanting to do it are exactly the things that shouldn't stop me; I'm proud, and I'm scared of rejection. But I need to be willing to make myself vulnerable. Tonight challenged me to take a step beyond that fear and tell him how I feel. It's not blind faith that everything will go awesomely because I think this is what God wants me to do. It's really not. I am fully prepared for the fact that this could go badly. He could laugh at me. He could shoot me down. Worst of all, he could just not respond. But at least I'll have had the courage to say what I need to say. I've accepted that I could get hurt, but I'm putting my faith in God anyway.

An hour ago, the thought of doing this was inconceivable. I left church dead set against messaging Nick, and arrived home ten minutes later knowing that it was something I had to do.

Whatever happens, I know that God will protect my heart. I know that life will break me, but I also know that God is bigger than that. My heart will get shattered sometimes, because that's the price of vulnerability, but I'll never be free unless I stop letting my relationships be defined by fear.

24 Parody - Jack Bauer & the Ashlee Simpson Threat

2007-04-23T13:45:56Z



"24 Parody - Jack Bauer & the Ashlee Simpson Threat" on Google Video
Really I just wanted to put this somewhere so I didn't lose it. If you've never watched 24 it won't be that funny. But if you have, it's pretty frigging hilarious :D Terrorist plan to release a new CD by Ashlee Simpson, and only one loose-cannon agent can stop them. Jack Bauer rejoins the LA Counter Terrorist Unit (CTU) along with Tony Almeida, Bill Buchanan, Chloe O’Brian and Milo Pressman to deal with the terrorists, the devious President Charles Logan, and the extra-annoying Kim Bauer. Events occur in real time.

That's Why We Only Work When We Need The Money

2007-01-30T17:44:02Z

Your results:
You are Spider-Man

Spider-Man		75%
Superman		65%
Batman		60%
Green Lantern		60%
Hulk		60%
Wonder Woman		52%
The Flash		50%
Robin		47%
Supergirl		37%
Catwoman		35%
Iron Man		30%

You are intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

Your results:
You are Mystique

Mystique		56%
Poison Ivy		50%
Dark Phoenix		45%
Dr. Doom		43%
Apocalypse		42%
Mr. Freeze		40%
The Joker		39%
Magneto		37%
Catwoman		29%
Two-Face		28%
Lex Luthor		27%
Venom		27%
Green Goblin		24%
Riddler		22%
Juggernaut		16%
Kingpin		9%

Sometimes motherly, sometimes a beautiful companion, but most of the time a deceiving vixen.

Click here to take the Super Villain Personality Test

When You Wish Upon a Star...

2007-01-14T15:41:00Z

Check out my Slide Show!

2007-01-09T13:08:24Z

I see you shiver with antici...pation

2007-01-02T23:55:53Z

Tonight I went to a show. It was a good show. AND THEN WE MET TIM CURRY! Boo ya!

We expect great jealousy and oohing. If you're not a die hard Rocky fan, however, maybe the fact that Orlando Bloom was there will elicit a response.

Ok fine, it's the back of his head. But how's that for an awesome evening? ^_^

**Yes, this is special enough to be posted to both journals**

Good Idea, Bad Idea

2006-11-09T11:38:58Z

I've missed this show so much.

I can't believe my little brother's growing up without the Animaniacs. Nothing compares.

It's cartoon sharing time!

2006-09-21T14:19:22Z

I love these cartoons. And many others, come to think of it, but I've got the Simple Plan one as my background at the moment, so I decided to share these awesome comics from xkcd. I've promoted it here before, but hey. Sharing is caring, and whatnot ^_^ I'll share some CAD and Questionable Content another time. Ah, glorious glorious webcomics.

eponine254 @ 2006-08-06T22:29:00

2006-08-06T20:38:39Z

Tim Hughes - When Tears Fall
I've had questions without answers
I've known sorrow, I have known pain
But there's one thing that I'll cling to:
You are faithful, Jesus you're true

When hope is lost, I'll call you saviour
When pain surrounds, I'll call you healer
When silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart

In the lone hour of my sorrow
Through the darkest night of my soul
You surround me and sustain me
My defender forever more

When hope is lost, I'll call you saviour
When pain surrounds, I'll call you healer
When silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart

I will praise you, I will praise you
When the tears fall, still I will sing to you
I will praise you, Jesus, praise you
Through the suffering still I will sing to you

When hope is lost, I'll call you saviour
When pain surrounds, I'll call you healer
When silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart

The Wonderful Tom Eaton

2006-07-26T17:14:57Z

She has her father's eyes. In her lunchbox.
Tom Eaton

Standing in the doorway of her tent, Angelina Jolie tasted the sweet desert air. The Namibian landscape was breathtakingly beautiful, now that all the unsightly people had been removed. Her tongue flickered delicately from her mouth, unsoiled now by the rank flavour of the humans, and contentedly she licked the morning dew off the sunken bridge of her nose.

The spawning had taken longer than she’d anticipated and she was hungry now. She clapped her hands once and a man appeared, with golden hair and a jawbone apparently grafted on to his face after being forcibly removed from an ox. He bowed, as she had trained him (the scars from the genital palpitator were healing nicely), and offered her a tray of grapes. She smiled, her prehensile lips peeling back like two burst sausages to reveal her blinding masticators.

“Your tasty treats, my love,” said the man, his eyes fixed on the sand at her feet.

“Bradley Pitt from Springfield, Missouri,” she cooed. “You are a good human. Lift them higher, for my forearms are exhausted from the spawning.” He obliged and she ate, draining the sweet juice with the extrusion needle in the back of her throat before revelling in the sensation of the pulp slipping down towards her first stomach.

“We must speak about a name for the child,” said Bradley Pitt from Springfield, Missouri, tentatively making eye-contact. “How about Lemon Curd? Everyone in the industry is doing a sort of citrus thing. Otherwise I was thinking we could go with Plumpkin. Or …”

The words shattered in his glottis and he slumped to the sand as her heel crashed into his throat. In an instant she was on him, brandishing the genital palpitator.

“What have we learned about expressing opinions?” she cried. “Is Bradley Pitt from Springfield, Missouri, a good human or is it time that he was reacquainted with testicular percolation?” The man lay very still, looking at a point on the horizon, and whispered, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” over and over again. She calmed, the white films withdrawing from her eyes and at last she smiled and stroked his cheek. “A good man. A precious man.”

She rose and stalked into the tent. “I have devised a name for the girl.” She looked at the baby, doing joyful somersaults in the large glass postnatal reservoir that bubbled in the corner. The little one saw its mother and waved a cheery fin. “She shall be named Shiloh.”

Bradley Pitt from Springfield, Missouri, nodded reverentially. “I can dig it. A holy name. A biblical place of peace. It’s spiritual. Like Las Vegas.”

“So they say. I do not know your religious texts.” The baby was becoming facetious, writing rude words in the algae on the wall of its aquarium, and she disciplined it with a sharp jolt from the nursery electro-punisher. Stunned, it floated belly-up for a moment before coming to and apologising telepathically.

“No,” she continued. “I was thinking of … oh, what is that quaint term you use? The ‘Civil’ War? Oh Shiloh, my Shiloh -- 19 000 killed or wounded in 48 hours. Brother mutilating brother. Father eviscerating son.” She smiled, lost in reveries. “Two of the most beautiful days of my life, those fleeting moments in the spring of 1862. It was there I first fell in love, right under the blossoming trees in Fraley field, with the bullets black and humming over us like a swarm of happy honeybees. His name was Hackensack and he was a private from Jersey. He lost his torso late on the second day, but I kept his head. He was such a great kisser.”

She paused, suddenly drawn into the present. “I must tell the doctor that we have settled on a name!” She found Dr Eschel Rhoodie where she had left him, in his exoskeleton under the bed and switched him on. “Doctor! We’re going with Shiloh!”

“Wonderful, dearest girl!” he croaked. “You know, I’ve worked with a lot of freaks in my time, but you are by the far the prettiest and cleverest.”

That’s why she had employed the old South African, back in 1993, the same year he had “died”. He always knew just what to say and when to say it. Publicists were truly a special breed.

“We’ll deny you’ve spawned,” Rhoodie was saying, “and then leak a blurry picture to al-Jazeera. They’ll climb all over the Hebrew name -- call it a Zionist baby and that will get you major coverage in all the East Coast broadsheets. Then we sue Time Warner, pre-emptively, for violating your right to an apolitical birth and if they counter-sue, we’ll …”

But Bradley Pitt from Springfield, Missouri, had spilled coffee on her linen and she was lunging for the palpitator …

Today

2006-06-05T16:55:18Z

Thanks to all for the overwhelming support yesterday! I feel quite spoiled ^_^ I think I was just in a bit of a weird mood, because I'm quite fine now. Still a little asocial, a little difficult and a little single, but I'm back into my comfortable not-caringness. Hooray!

I was going to say that nothing happened today. What a self-centred lie that would be! Today, people were born, died, got killed, had their hearts broken, wrote poetry, fell in love, fell out of love, attempted suicide, watched Eddie Izzard, ate cake, cried alone, slept outside, froze to death, saved lives, ended lives, fought with people they love, listened to music, wrote novels, performed plays, smiled to themselves, laughed at private jokes, drank themselves into oblivion, mowed lawns, planted trees, slept to avoid the pain of existence, crashed cars, travelled to new places, returned to old places, ran away from home, abandoned their families, were reunited with their families, painted their nails, covered up their cuts, winked at strangers, threw up their dinner, refused to eat dinner in the first place, beat their wives, painted masterpieces, hid from the world, travelled on trains, bought more than they needed to, became refugees, watched a loved one die, went to a funeral, played the piano, gazed at the stars, threw confetti at a wedding, laughed out of true happiness, blew bubbles, made new friends, fed the hungry, made tasteless jokes, got lost on the Metro, slept till noon, bunked school, got married, met with God, climbed mountains, cut down trees, yelled at their parents, aborted their children, got lost in novels, won scholarships, hugged friends, lost their jobs, got promoted, sang in the shower, forgot to pass on messages, heard new jokes, understood Shakespeare, cried in movies, put too much salt on their popcorn, tried to become famous, babysat neighbours' kids, dreamed of a better future and tried to change the world.

The world really is a beautiful place. Even in the mundane there is so much that is worth writing about. My day may have been uneventful, but of course something happened today. All over the world lives have been changed irreversably, for better or for worse, by things that happened in this one, exquisite, irretrievable today.

Should Really Be Working...

2006-06-01T17:57:59Z

Your Personality Is Like Acid

A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict. One moment you're in your own little happy universe... And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

You Are Japanese Food

Strange yet delicious. Contrary to popular belief, you're not always eaten raw.

What Kind of Food Are You?

You Are 40% Happy

You're not miserable, but you could stand to be a lot happier. Focus on what's right in the world, and you'll be happier than you ever thought possible.

How Happy Are You?

You Will Die at Age 79

You're pretty average when it comes to how you live... And how you'll die as well.

What Age Will You Die?
(Average? How RUDE).

You Are Creepy

Serial killers would run away from you in a flash.

How Scary Are You?

You Have A Type A- Personality

You are one of the most balanced people around Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you. When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love! You live life to the full - encorporating the best of both worlds

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

You Are 36% Cynical

Generally you give people the benefit of the doubt. But there are exceptions. You buy into many of the things that mainstream society believes, but you're not anybody's fool.

How Cynical Are You?